so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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