she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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