bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
