i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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