2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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