the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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