i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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