this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
