you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
