No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
