soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
