I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
