all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
