4 words: hood of his car
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
