Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
