Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
