Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
