hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
