My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
