the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
