We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
