she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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