Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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