1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
