Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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