I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
