Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wat bout pragnant strippers??
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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