You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
