Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
