Sry I called you an 8
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize