You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
