I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
third nipple confirmed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
