Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
