Soap is not a condiment
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
