so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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