Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
