Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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