I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
