don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
