It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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