I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
