My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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