So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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