My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
