Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
