I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No subtext here. People are naked.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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