Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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