first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
