"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
