This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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