Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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