ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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