hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
