It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i believe in u and ur pee
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
