HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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