I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
