Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
