You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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