I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
