Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
