you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
