why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
