now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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